Kristen Neff, co-founder of the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion, has shed light on an essential aspect of wellbeing: self-compassion. But what exactly is self-compassion? It’s the practice of being warm and supportive towards ourselves, especially during moments of failure, inadequacy, or suffering. Instead of turning a blind eye to our pain or indulging in self-criticism, self-compassion invites us to respond with kindness, gentleness and understanding.
At the core of self-compassion is the recognition of our shared humanity. We all make mistakes and face challenges, and it’s crucial to acknowledge that we are not alone in our struggles. Mindfulness plays a vital role here; it encourages us to be aware of our thoughts and feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them. By practicing mindfulness, we can step back and observe our inner dialogue, allowing us to separate our identity from our mistakes.
Imagine treating yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend in distress. Rather than resorting to self-condemnation, self-compassion creates a safe emotional space that is essential for optimal functioning. It’s a gentle reminder that we are worthy of kindness and understanding, even when things don’t go how we would have liked.
Self-compassion isn’t just a buzzword; it’s a powerful practice that can significantly enhance our overall well-being. Research has shown that individuals who cultivate self-compassion experience greater life satisfaction and improved mental health. They often report lower levels of stress and anxiety, creating a more balanced emotional landscape.
People who embrace self-compassion tend to let go of perfectionism and the fear of failure, viewing negative emotions as valid and informative rather than as shortcomings. This compassionate approach allows them to treat themselves more kindly, especially after making mistakes.
Moreover, self-compassion fosters a rich set of psychological resources. Those who practice it often exhibit traits like optimism, resilience, curiosity, and emotional intelligence. These qualities help them navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and adaptability. A recent study has shown that a daily micro practice of self-compassion can increase self-compassion and reduce stress. This study involved a daily 20 second practice where participants were asked to place one hand on their heart and one on their belly or choose any other method of touch that supported them to feel warmth and kindness towards themselves and repeat this for a month. We can all spare 20 seconds in our day.
In essence, embracing self-compassion can transform our relationship with ourselves and the world around us. By treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, we open the door to greater emotional resilience, healthier habits, and a more fulfilling life.
How to cultivate Self-Compassion
Recognise Self-Criticism - Identify personal traits you criticise. Acknowledge the emotional pain this causes and practice self-compassion.
Reframe Inner Dialogue - Replace harsh self-talk with kinder, supportive messages. Think of how a caring friend would encourage you.
Practice Self-Compassion Break - Use mindfulness techniques: acknowledge suffering, recognise common humanity, and express kindness to yourself.
Incorporate Supportive Touch - Use gentle physical touch to soothe yourself during stress. Experiment with different touches that feel comforting.
Permission to care for the carer – give yourself permission to care for yourself and meet your own needs to enable you to care for others
References
Susman, E. S., Chen, S., Kring, A. M., & Harvey, A. G. (2024). Daily micropractice can augment single-session interventions: A randomized controlled trial of self-compassionate touch and examining their associations with habit formation in US college students. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 175, 104498.
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